(Dammit, you'd think by now I'd just abbreviate it PASC every time, but I'm neurotic about people not understanding what I'm writing about. Plus there's my pretention complex, but whatever. Is that a real thing? A pretention complex, I mean.)

One of these two people happens to be the 30-year-old slumped-over middle-aged hag who plays....get this.....DOROTHY. No, I'm not kidding. She can't sing all that well. She's not god's gift to theatre either. Dance is definitely not her strong point. So it is officially Beyond Me why she was cast. But the director once said that the secret meaning of the show was that Dorothy took some crazy Kansas drugs, so who knows. Maybe she's supposed to be so coked up that she's made herself look twenty years older.

However, this is all beside the point.

Her name is Jena. The other in her elite "clique" is Cason, who plays, get this.....Uncle Henry. Right. Her supposed "uncle" is actually younger than she is. How's that for some apparently crazy Kansas drugs?!

Anyway. There's only one way to put this....Cason is a flaming homosexual. He often reminices of doing "drag shows." I tried to be optimistic when I first heard this, thinking he might be talking about such manly things such as drag racing, but unfortunately that is not what he was talking about at all.

Flamboyant? You be the judge.

I really don't have a bone to pick with Cason, aside from just being a total and complete pansy. He stormed out of dance rehearsal two days ago because in the dance somebody had to touch him. Not in that way, just like on his arm. He totally lost it and ran out screaming "Don't tickle me! Don't tickle me!"

And to this day, I don't know what he was talking about or why he was so offended. But how's that for an exit line? I wish on the way out I would have tripped the queer bastard and see him knock himself unconcious just so we could endlessly entertain ourselves by looking at his rainbow boxer shorts.

But enough about queens. Let's talk about a Huge, Vapid, Catty Bitch.

(Jena.)

She's just one of these people who thinks she's the next Katharine Hepburn or Bernadette Peters. But she is simple a black hole of theatrical suckage. I can't possibly be kind about this. She won't talk to anybody she doesn't consider herself on equal level with. I, of course, don't fall into that category, since I just have 14 years of acting experience and she's a high school teacher who lives in fucking Louisiana. God forbid.

I have to get my anger out. I want to smack that bitch upside her head and explain to her that I will slowly beat the living shit out of her if she exudes one more ounce of pretention to anyone in my immediate vicinity. I will also string her upside down by her toes until all the blood rushes to her head and she's screaming for mercy. She must understand. For you see, I would have her role, if it weren't for my acceptance to PASC this summer, causing me to miss a whole month of rehearsals and therefore making it impossible for me to be cast. That's why I didn't even audition. That's why I am simply understudying FIVE FUCKING PARTS and learning EVERY SINGLE FUCKING SONG AND DANCE and learning how to FLY IN MY INCREDIBLY UNCOMFORTABLE HARNESS just in case she has an "accident" (or so I will call it, and have witnesses to vouch for me as well) and I should have to fill in for a few nights in her absence. That's why I am working BACKSTAGE. It's all because I have to skip town to go to a wonderful performing arts school that will instruct me well so I can permanently move away from this hellhole as soon as possible.

*sigh*

I had to get that out.

Evil, talentless, power-tripping whores should be conveniently dropped off cliffs by "accident".

Did I mention that she had ruby slippers already tattooed on her ankle?

So I get it would really suck for her if somehow she was kicked out or had to drop out because of, perhaps, a last-minute injury? She's got this permament inkblot on her fat left ankle to remind her of how I was so clever and managed to finagle my way into her way-too-big size XL gingham dress and ruby slippers.

Heh. I am waaay to evil for my own good sometimes. It's fun to imagine the possibilities.

I don't think she understands that Cason is gay. She tries to subtlely flirt with him, even though it's totally sick to anyone standing nearby because:

A) She's ugly as shit,
B) She's older than God (to be playing a 14-year-old, anyway),
C) They are of two different sexual orientations, and I don't think she realizes that, and
D) He's playing her uncle. Ergh. So THAT'S the way it is in their family. I see.

(Ugh. The implications.)

I have to go.....take a shower or something now.

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