Gee, that hiatus sure was refreshing. Sorry for no heads-up. I hope you could continue living and didn't O.D. on anything while I was gone.

So! Today was one of the times when I felt like I was trapped inside a teen movie. Honest to god.

My drama teacher was gone today, so we were left with the stagecraft teacher, Mrs. Ory, who is an evil power-tripping whore from hell and has a heinous squeaking voice, and weighs like 300 pounds. So she kindly informed my talented drama class that the principal said that she "didn't like the tagging in the basement."

What she really meant, though, was that despite this graffiti being there since the early 70s and it is a well-known school tradition for the theatre kids to vandalize the basement but yet no one cares, Nanette, the satan fembot trying to control my mind, says that we have to take it all off because she decides on a whim that she doesn't like it.

And yeah, I had tagged there already. And had a damn good time doing it. Wrote lots of funny things: "OEDIPUS", "SWEET GEORGIA", "PAINT FUMES MAKE YOU WACKY", and the inevitable "WHY AM I FURRY?" Thankfully I didn't write my name or else Nanette (the principal from hell) would have gone all medieval on my ass.

So....now that we know how much she disapproves, we are informed that we have to take very small razor blades and scrape the paint off the walls. And it's not that simple. Half of the walls are tiled, and that's almost entirely covered in graffiti. And....despite what you might have heard....I am here to tell you that Sharpie marker and spray paint do not come off easily, and do not make Lexie A Happy Camper.

Tiny razor blades. SMALLER THAN MY BIG TOE, for chrissakes. And we had an entire basment to cover. In two hours, no less, or else the principal would eat our souls, or something.

And since the Sharpie WOULD NOT COME OFF FOR ANYTHING SHORT OF AN ACT OF GOD, we had to use a shitload of turpentine.

So here we are. Fifteen kids who are supposed to be learning about how to be great actors....yet we are stuck in a basement scraping paint off the wall and turpentining things until we get dizzy and pass out from the heavy fumes.

And also....after you've smelled turpentine for longer than about half an hour...you get a little wacky. And this is not good, considering we were all brandishing our small razorblades. Just big enough to put an eye out.

And then we actually read the can. It said that it could spontaneously combust at any time, which, to say the least....was a comforting thought. We then promptly scurried upstairs and bathed ourselves in the dressing room toilets while praying to god we don't explode.

And then someone had the bright idea...."Hey! We inhaled this stuff a lot. Maybe that means it can make our internal organs explode too!"

MASS CHAOS.

Mind you, we were probably legally drunk or otherwise extremely disoriented by this time. This was not normal. So we downed about 45396797 gallons of water just in case we might start imploding on ourselves, or whatever.

Then...in a brave act of civli disobedience...defying all known laws of society...we decided that scrwe this, this sucks, so instead of leaving like smart people would have done considering we were unsupervised in a basement for chrissakes, we carved our names into the walls with the blades. All the while cackling, "HA! YOU CAN'T SCRAPE THIS OFF, NANETTE! BWAHAHA!!! FOILED AGAIN, YOU EVIL FEMBOT!"

But honestly...there has got to be a law against that somewhere. I should know, but I don't.

Speakling of law, national mock trial competition is this Thursday, Friday, and Saturday. Hooray. I get to spend four free nights at the Hyatt and go to all these fun touristy places and throw people from Wisconsin Mardi Gras beads and watch them go insane because they ate too much cheese. Hmm.

See?! It's those goddamned turpentine fumes and dark basement isolation taking their toll on me! See the effect of abuse still!

I tell you, where is Amnesty International when you need them.

© alexa

The counter keeps breaking and pissing me off, so NO MORE COUNTER! Mwahaha!