(The "dude" is optional, considering that those who hear you saying it can feel your IQ dropping. As well as thinking the word "sweet" over and over again. DUDE. SWEET. DUDE. SWEET.)

Sorry. Bad movie humor.

Anyway. Today I met Judge White, a judge in the first circuit court. He was dressed all nicely with his robe on, Palm Pilot in hand. At one point, I asked him a question about law school. He was trying to flip back his robe for something.

"Please don't rape me....please don't rape me....HEY! What am I thinking?! He's a judge!!"

Yeah, that seems a little pathetic, like I assume someone would actually want to rape me.

But I was hoping that no nudity would occur, or anything else vulgar for that matter, until my inner voice of sanity got the better of me (.89743 seconds later). It never occured to me that maybe not all old guys are perverts, and maybe he actually wear PANTS under his robe. What a concept!

Which he was. Wearing pants, that is. I hope he didn't thinking I was staring at his pants or anything. I would be so embarrassed I would never be able to see him. Ever. Again.

Now that I think about it, I am probably too much of a freak to rape. I mean, you always hear these HORRIBLE, AWFUL stories about these little pretty teenage girls getting kidnapped and raped and just scarred for life. "I'e seen a old guy naked. I can't go on with life!"

But I probably have nothing to worry about. How depressing.

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Sarah Stansbury has developed this annoying habit of making this really odd noise every time she wears a coat. And since it's well below freezing outside nearly every single day, I am getting to the point of buying an assault rifle to end this little problem.

She has this giant Eskimo coat that's about 8 inches thick lined with fur, like it's for some Siberian snow-shoveler or something. And she keeps it buttoned all the way up to her neck. So basicaly she just looks like a head with stubby legs.

She'll nonchalantly unbutton the coat and then arbitrarily throw it open while shouting "CA-CAW!" like a rabid blackbird right into my ear. When feeling brave (or, Having Had Overdose Of Aderrol) she will run up and down the hallways, throwing her coat open and screaming "CA-CAW!' to all those in earshot. And since she does it at about 24328 decibals it's pretty hard not to hear. Something about it makes me want to go on a shooting rampage. Maybe the noise triggered a hidden homicidal nerve ending in my brain.

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Wearing these glasses is seriously pissing me off. If I haven't posted a picture of them, let me just describe them in the shortest amount of words possible: Austin Powers.

Yes. Oh yes.

My contacts that are BRAND SPANKING RIGHT OUT OF THE BOX NEW are the wrong prescription. What does it take to fill a prescription, really? Decipher some chicken scrawl, and put the right stuff in a box and hand it over. Done!

But nooooo. Apparently the secretaries at my optometrist are either learning disabled or illiterate, because every time I wear my contacts it looks like I'm looking out of a fishbowl.

Speaking of fishbowl (and of Sarah's CA-CAW habits), when I fist started wearing the Wrong Contacts, I figured that is was just a matter of adjusting to the new lenses. So I would run around my house or up to random strangers and making strange gulping noises like a hungry, man-eating goldfish. But that's another story.

I have to get a million and one pictures taken for Winter Formal on Friday. Trust me, I am not the one to be vapid and shallow, but I MUST NOT wear these glasses.

For God's sake, the freshman class entrusted their vote in me to look stunning and be non-klutzy! But why?

But I have to look stunning and be non-klutzy anyway. At least for one night. I am usually not the ones to aspire to meet others' expections, but this time I'll just be a hypocrite.

Trust me, I abstained from Winter Formal voting, because I said it was all some big popularity contest and I wanted no part of it.

Until I was forced to by being chosen for court.

DAMN. IT.

DAMN. IT. ALL. TO HELL.

© alexa

The counter keeps breaking and pissing me off, so NO MORE COUNTER! Mwahaha!