Her parties usually consist of people getting drunk and passing out in flower beds while being set aflame and humped by poodles. So I was quite tedious throughout the whole ordeal.

I figured, "Hey, it's New Year's Eve. I'm going to go all out and dress up and be all festive." So I painstakingly glued on my Whorish Eyelashes (which were metallic fuschia and gold, by the way) and put on my fishnets and a black hat.

Did I look like a drunken Bond Girl? You bet I did.

So I arrived and promptly got into an argument with one of her cronies who speaks in horrible redneck tongue and was shooting off firecrackers and guns, while I was praying for one to hit him back.

It all started when I called him a "braindead redneck asshole", reached it's zenith when he shot a firecracker at my hair (which was dyed blue for the night and is still that way), then ended at about 11:00 when I kicked him in the nuts and stuck his face in mud.

Stupid lying bastard.

So let's see....what is my resolution...I would say become a vegetarian, but I did that around Christmas, I guess. I don't know. I guess I resolve to stop picking at my face.

I have to go eat lunch right now. Free of meat, of course. But I'll keep you posted.

© alexa

The counter keeps breaking and pissing me off, so NO MORE COUNTER! Mwahaha!