You are rudely awakened for a test. You scribble on it a little, decide that it’s wasting your time and so you put down your pen and get back to daydreaming and drooling. Not a smart thing in the long-run.

Finally, finally, the bus comes to pick you up. You’re tired, your legs are weary from the long four-story descent. And you see everyone in their festive spirit-day costumes and you giggle quietly with glee.

The bus ride sucks. This Ghetto-Mobile has got to go. But it’s Halloween. Cheer up!

You arrive at home, and you wonder whether the party tonight is still on at Psycho Sarah’s house. So you call. Alas, no! To your horror, it has been cancelled because Sarah secretly dyed her hair electric Jennifer-Garner-In-Alias blue. Ahh, freshmen, you think to yourself. We’re not free of the Evil Parental Clutches yet, but we’re working on it.

Now that you’ve been properly depressed, you start to ponder……and ponder some more….what are you going to do tonight? Your plans have been dashed against the rocks. Now what? Whatever shall you do? You would watch Fern Gully, but you left it in your locker. Why you keep a copy of it in your locker, well…you’re not really sure.

Aah! Finally! You’ve got it! You will go rent Seven and wet yourself while sitting on the sofa at home! Woo! On to Blockbuster!

At Blockbuster, you practically melt with pure depression. No copies of Seven? What kind of country is this? YOU MUST HAVE SEVEN! YOU MUST HAVE BRAD PITT’S HUNKY HALLOWEEN GOODNESS!

Okay, you recover from it eventually. So you go off in search of any of the Scream movies. They won’t be that hard to find. Alas, you don’t realize how popular they are. No copies of them either.

At this point, you’re becoming suicidal and plotting murder against the employees of the Blockbusters. You must have horror movies and you must have them NOW. Not in a minute. Not tomorrow. NOW.

You practically turn the store inside-out looking for a decent movie. The only thing you can find is I Know What You Did Last Summer. Sigh. It’s better than nothing. You’ve only been scouring the store like a hawk for half an hour.

Success. You drive home, and realize that you already rented a copy of The Birds. Will small wonders never cease. Your misfortune continues to amaze you.

So right now, you’re sitting at home, like a loser, receiving calls from your fellow Amnesty International club members, organizing the booth for tomorrow’s Fall Fair. You plan to eat candy like a dirty diabetic pig all night, and download stuff on Kazaa. And avoid the urge to run over trick-or-treaters when they come knocking. Maybe later you’ll dig out your Exorcist costume and send them running. Who knows.

But whatever you do, it’s going to be FUN FUN FUN. Even if it KILLS you. GAAAAH.

TOP FIVE WAYS TO SCARE KIDS ON HALLOWEEN
1. Rent a chainsaw and a tractor. Chase them around the neighborhood.
2. Comment on how you know they’re dressed up and they don’t deserve candy for such a crappy costume. This isn’t necessarily scary, but it’s enough to frighten them away. Especially if you use profanity.
3. Ask them if they want to come in and see your “catch” from last year.
4. Let your first question to them be “Are you an organ donor?”
5. Say, “Happy Halloween, now you’re all going to DIE.”

© alexa

The counter keeps breaking and pissing me off, so NO MORE COUNTER! Mwahaha!