Oh, you poor, poor quarter-wit. Cats never go away. They're like the ebola virus.

But they've thanksfully moved the Flying Cat Circus to the living room every night. And naturally they crap and piss all over everything and puke is bizarre places, but at least it's not in my personal space.

Last night, all three kittens were in my room before I went to sleep. I was only about half-concious as I felt the cats running and jumping all over my bed because they had found something NEW! and EXCITING! Oh no, they've discovered the Wonder of the Mattress. This happened with me and trampolines once upon a time.

But anyway. When they would start jumping, I would gently reprimand them and take them and put them back down on the floor.

After doing this several hundred times, I was fully awake. It's now 11:00.

Falling....asleep....hey hey wake up, it's time to jump, hey, get up lazy human!

"YeahIloveyoutooGETDOWN," I hissed.

They found a wonderful little hiding spot inside my bottom drawer and I thought all was well, and I went to sleep like the utter fool I am.

This is what resulted:

(Those giant cuts are on my NECK in case you couldn't tell.)

Heh. Isn't that funny. I found it today whilst rubbing my neck in Biology class. I screamed in horror as I felt the dried blood and I had no idea what it was. I promptly got (RAN) to the bathroom and examined the wound. When I got back, I was informed about the plot of "Stigmata," which I have never seen, and that this is what happened to the poor girl and by the end of the movie she was dead.

So as soon as I stepped in the door today I beat my cats with a whip and threatened them with taxidermy if they so much as stepped on me during the night. Go jump on mom. But NOT ME. Go piss on the sofa. But STAY OFF MY BED.

Imagine trying to explain to the kids at school why you have scratch marks all over your neck. Sweet Jesus. It looks like some vampire that had, you know, bad aim.

Cats. You can cuddle them, compose a Broadway musical about them, stroak them, shave them, pet them and then hit them when they bite you, but for the love of god, don't trust them alone at night.

© alexa

The counter keeps breaking and pissing me off, so NO MORE COUNTER! Mwahaha!