It started last night after about seven o'clock. That's when those mofo winds started blowing. My mother decided that she just reeeeally needed to go to band rehearsal that night even thought there was a F'N HURRICANE about to F'N HIT US and she's worried about her band???

But I tagged along like a good little conformist. "Don't worry...we won't be long," she said as I bitched about having to go with her and how I was going to die.

7 o'clock - we arrive.

9 o'clock - we begin to leave.

9:20 - we actually leave.

Great choice, Mom. I mean, what's better than driving ten miles homes in a F'N HURRICANE at night? I was about to spontaneously combust from the wait.

Oh, waaaaiit just a minute.

If we're going to be at home all day tomorrow, and seeing as we don't have school on friday either...how's about we go rent a movie? Two movies perhaps?

Great idea. No, really...it is. Except for the fact that we will probably get stuck in the Blockbuster during the hurricane, there won't be enough oxygen for everybody to last us, and I'll die in the stock comedy movies aisle.

Yeah, let's go rent a movie.

Ooooh, but mother can't decide what she wants. "28 Days" or "The Royal Tenenbaums"? Oh, what do I want to watch?

WHAT I WANT TO DO IS GET HOME BEFORE I AM BLOWN AWAY BY THE 70 MPH WINDS!!

I grab a movie and go, because I am not about to be picky about it. I want to get home, curl up with my cats and listen to the storm destroy half the city.

I could have died, just so I could get HAPPY FUCKING GILMORE.

I COULD HAVE DIED, DO YOU HEAR ME, DIED.

Well, despite all that excitement, I fall asleep at about ten o'clock, very pissed off because Everybody Loves Raymond has replaced Frasier in the ten o'clock spot. It used to be Seinfeld, then it was Frasier. I swore I would never like Frasier because By God I Needed My Seinfeld, but I grew to like Frasier, with the exxception of the Niles-and-Daphne-are-in-love episodes. So I am one pissed uberbitch as I fall asleep listening to the Weather Spawn Of Satan we dub Isidore.

I sleep. And sleep. And sl--

Wait...I wake up. At EIGHT A.M.

Why? Because of the MOFO WINDS. THE 70 MPH MOFO WINDS. Oh, and do we have power? No, of course not. So I looked outside (through a small crack in my boarded-up window) and I see that the streets are flooded.

TERRIFIC! I'll be stuck here at home for a week with NO FOOD and a disconnected computer.

And about twenty minutes ago we regained power, but we're the lucky ones. Most of the city doesn't have it yet. In fact, half the city is in the Superdome at the shelter or whatever. Or they evacuated like they were actually supposed to. But me and my mom? Naaah. We're troopers. I'm a New Yorker in New Orleans, okay? Nothing scares me. Nothing.

Power surge, my ass. The computer's coming on.

So here I am. Mother is still asleep despite the storm brewing outside. I don't know how that woman stays asleep, but she does.

Oh yeah...about me telling where I live...it's a load off, dude. I don't have to call things School Of Choice or Ye Olde Local College. It's a load off my mind. Of course, I'll probably have stalkers now, but whatever. So be it.

They wouldn't brave the winds and waters, anyway.

© alexa

The counter keeps breaking and pissing me off, so NO MORE COUNTER! Mwahaha!