That cats are driving me INSANE. I woke up yesterday morning to find a whole package of garlic bread sitting on the counter had been knocked down, torn apart, and was now nothing more than a pile of crumbs.

Yes, that's right: my six cats ate an entire package of garlic bread. And after that, they threw up all day. I think it's the equivilant of a little Kitty Hangover.

They claw their way up the sofa, and that makes one hella loud noise. And remember when I said that they have their little "freak-out times," and then they would have their "naptime"? Oh, no. They're past that. It's Freak-Out Time ALL DAY, EVERY DAY.

Plus I found some Cat Shit Soup in the pot from Brad. Sorry for that horrible visual image, but it's true. I can't explain it any other way. It was Shit Soup. Kitty Diarrhea. Effects of the Kitty Hangover, I suppose.

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Yesterday whilst I was online answering emails, Jessica called and left a message. I listened to it about ten minutes after she called. It went something along the lines of this:

"ALEXA! It's Jess! You have to call me! I have something really, really important to tell you and I'm so excited! AGH!! Call me as soon as you get this!!!"

Imagine loud, highway noises in the background.

I got all worked up and thought that maybe she wanted to tell me that Jonathan Goodman secretly fantasizes about me, or something. I mean, I was expecting something big, like, I don't know.....something having to do with Jonathan Goodman.

But I called her and I was practically bursting with excitement.

"So what is it???" I practically shouted into the receiver.

"Are you ready for this?" she says excitedly.

"YES!!!'

"Are you sure?"

"YES! TELL ME, DAMMIT!"

"I'm about to get a tattoo! AAGGHH!!!"

"AAGGHH!!!"

"AAGGHH!!!"

"What....wait? Are you CRAZY?!?" I said, as soon as it sunk in.

"No! I really am, and I've always wanted one! I'm getting it on the lower part of my back, close to my tailbone. And the guy drew it himself! Isn't that awesome?"

"Well, totally, but did you ever think it might actually be the symbol for some satanic cult? Or that your grandchildren will see this someday? I mean, if you don't die of lung cancer first," I said. She knows that I always rag on her to stop smoking. When she says that she needs to smoke, I say 'Oh, you mean Enhance Your Cancer?'.

"It'll be real easy to cover up if I wanted to, like for a show or something."

"Well, if you like it, it sounds cool to me," I relented.

"AAGGHH!!!"

Click.

So she stopped by about eleven last night to show it to me. "It hurt like a bitch," she said. "But I love it." And I must say...it was pretty bobdiggity. It looked close to awesome, if I do say so myself.

Oh, shit...my dad will die if he only knew that I have a best friend who is pierced (and I don't mean just ears), tattooed, and lets me get drunk at her friends' apartments. Plus we steal her sister's car whenever we get the chance.

No, really! I know it sounds bad, but it's not. We just try to make ourselves believe that we're badasses. Really.

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I guess you've all heard about the serial killer in Louisiana. Well, I theorize that the dude fled the state, came to where I live, and got a job teaching Biology at my school.

His name is Mr. Daigle. On our schedules, it said his name was Mr. Stansburry, but on the first day of school he told us he'd prefer to be called Mr. Daigle.

???????????

He accents every other word, sort of like this: "Hello, CLASS! Please HAND in YOUR homework!" It sounds like he has a form of Tourettes or something.

And he always has razor burn on his face, and a small bald spot on the top of his head. And he can't be more than thirty. Really....I wonder if he's even qualified to teach Biology. But I mean, School Of Choice is as picky as hell when it comes to hiring teachers and accepting students. So I doubt they'd hire a serial killer...but what if the serial killer was well versed in Biology and he had excellent credentials before he went on a killing spree? Huh? HUH?!?!?

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I discovered yesterday that I have a ginormous bruise on my stomach where I was impaled on the Tower Of Doom. It hurts like hell; I should sue.

© alexa

The counter keeps breaking and pissing me off, so NO MORE COUNTER! Mwahaha!