Or maybe you look up to me.

Maybe you stalk me.

Maybe you just like the way I write.

Whatever the case may be, it might not be the best thing to say if I told you what I've been doing the past few nights.

No, it's not what you're thinking, you sick little asshole! What s shame that I still must scold you for thinking dirty thoughts when I, here, am being totally pure. Well, however pure I can be.

WHATEVER.

Anyway, Jessica and I were totally kicking ass and taking names the other night. Cruising around in her Mazda with a moonroof, yeah, buddy....Marilyn Manson going at full volume...we felt like regular badasses.

Then we put in "Chicago" and sang every word to the "Cellblock Tango", the song that explains how each women in Cellblock Six killed her husband.

Really, morbid, but hey, it's a tango. I couldn't resist.

Heather and I went to the mall yesterday with my mom. Little did she (my mom) know, we were meeting some guys that Heather three-wayed while she was talking to me.

No, you perverted bitch, I mean three-wayed on the phone!!!

SICKOS.

So anyway, these guys are total faggots. Screw the good-afternoon-concept I had planned.

And naturally, we couldn't tell my mother about it. Yeah, I feel like a regular badass. It didn't help that one of the Faggots called me "Crackhead" repeatedly.

I totally just feel like buying some Marilyn Manson, jumping in a mosh pit, and puffing the magic dragon.

Right. Whatever.

So I'm going to a benefit tonight for like, cerebral palsy or some shit. I dunno. Jessica's running the spotlight, I get free gourmet food, etc, etc.

I couldn't pass it up. So I'm going to be greeting all these people in wheelchairs that are like, flopping around like Michael J. Fox and thanking me for help save their life or something while I'm singing in my head, "I was floating in a sea of liquor and washed up on a beach of cocaine...."

I'm horrible. And I know it. But the song is freaking catchy, okay?!?

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My mom just got through explaining to me how she won't let me wear her new shirt because she'll never want to wear it again.

"And how is that?" I asked.

"Well, it just won't feel new anymore! I won't have any new clothes to wear when school starts!" she yelled.

"I'd only be wearing it for a few hours, to the benefit tonight! I don't want to look like some street-walking, pot-smoking whore!" I exclaimed.

"NOO!"

"YEEEES!!"

And so on and so forth.

Sheesh.

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No Flying Cat Circus last night. Whhheee!!!

I think we've been feeding the kittens like, Little Kitty Crack or something. They've totally been going ballistic the past few nights. Like, jumping off the top of the sofa and landing on their head. They were cute, but I never said they were smart.

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I really should go and get dressed now. I'm being picked up in about am hour or so.

No, not the picked up you're thinking of, you FAG!

JEEZ!!!

© alexa

The counter keeps breaking and pissing me off, so NO MORE COUNTER! Mwahaha!