So, uh...I don't think that's so true anymore.

Now that they've discovered the Great Entertainment Of My Curtains and How To Escape From My Room, they are not so adorable. I woke up at six o'clock yesterday morning to this hellacious ripping noise. It made that sound like in cartoons, when the cat drags its claws all the way down the curtain, leaving about three giant rip marks down the front.

So I slowly crawled out of bed, grunted what I think was supposed to be "No, no" and then crawled back into bed, only to be awakened by the same sound a few minutes later. I finally consented and just got up for good. I had to use the bathroom, anyway.

And then today, whilst I was eating lunch at the Very Classy Coffee Table, I see a little orange kitten head poke out from around the hallway entrance. So Lynde, the little orange one, waddled out into the living room, followed by the other two kittens, Blythe and June.

(We had an unfortunate episode with Pye: it got to where it wouldn't eat, so it slept with me at night in bed because that was the only thing that would make it stop crying. So one night, I woke up and it was lying on my stomach, dead. It was really gross at first, but we had a little kitty funeral and all that sentimental crap. But I miss the little thing. It was cute.)

*sigh* Small animals just don't deserve to die.

With...maybe the exception of my Japanese neighbors' dog.

Anyway, now my house is infested with six cats: two of which exceed the weight of a carry-on bag at the airport.

I started having fun with Ginger, the Sumo-Cat that invades my space on a daily basis with her fat self. My subconcious has gotten to the point where I just want to kill her, I think. So I walked into my room and she was lying on my bed. I went to the lightswitch and repeatedly flicked the light on and off. On and off.

And On. And Off.

I think she started having epileptic seizures, but I cackled and left the room before I could really tell.

It was like that episode of Frasier that aired last night where Niles keeps trying to kill his dad so Daphne can live with him. It was like that, except replace Niles with little old murderous ME.

WARNING! WARNING!: If ever confronted with a situation where I ask you to go somewhere with me, and you see this little flicker in my eye, SAY NO. And my all means, do not accept my invitation to dinner.

Just a little word to the wise.

Just in case, I mean.

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In case you were just dying to know about my oral fixation and how much weed I have smoked in order to keep my fingers out of my damn mouth, here's an update:

Today makes two weeks that I have not bitten my nails. Yes, I am proud of myself. I ate a cookie and patted myself on the back this morning.

I even threw myself a little party and put a party hat on my cat. We danced a little jig and did some karaoke before I needed to go outside to smoke some more POT.

Seriously. I am going crazy. I've already chewed my way through three pen tops and I fear that I may chew right through my ring if I don't get some medical help soon.

I need a patch! I need weed! I need some more rings!

ANYTHING!!!!!!

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It is three weeks and counting until my birthday. Well, just a little under three weeks, actually.

My birthday is July 29th, in case you wanted to send me happy birthday wishes or anything.

*cough cough nudge nudge wink wink*

I want a really annoying alarm clock for my birthday. I know it sounds weird and/or incredible pathetic, but I need one. Desperately. I mean, starting this year I will need to be awakened at five o'clock. That's in the AM, folks! I have the tiniest bit of trouble getting up at this ungodly hour or the morning (or any hour of the morning, for that matter), so a really, really annoying alarm clock would improve my chances greatly of catching the cheesewagon on time.

(Cheesewagon=Bus.)

I hear you. Yeah right, like you people are too sophisticated to ride the bus. *haughty sniff* I don't want to hear it. Everybody has to at least once in life.

And if you've never had to, you can kiss my ass!!!

© alexa

The counter keeps breaking and pissing me off, so NO MORE COUNTER! Mwahaha!