I predicted that last night would be the Dress Rehearsal Of The Devil. And I was right.

Let's just take it from the top. I arrived at 6:30 at the theater, where I was whisked to my dressing room and someone threw a new costume on me. The costumer was sticking me with pins and stratching my arms with lace. Someone else was taking curlers out of my head. (What's more, I didn't even know that I had curlers in my hair to begin with. How's that for cracked out?) Anyway, Brooke came in, gave me my garters and told me how she could have died last night. There was a car chase in town the night before, and she was pulling out of Wal-Mart when the psychopath rammed into the side of her car, popped the tire, and made it spin around. According to her, if he had been just one foot over, she would be in critical condition right now. Uh-huh. So I thanked her for risking her life to buy my undergarments and started doing my makeup.

Everything was fine until I had to throw the crash box in the first scene. I asked what was inside of it, and the prop lady told me it was actually two large vases. That's what the sound is actually supposed to be: a breaking vase. So anyway, when it came time, I held it over my head and let it drop to the floor with a huge CRASH!!! But it wasn't taped shut very well, and some pieces of glass came out. Great.

Okay. This was absolutely the last straw. I was onstage in the second scene and I was lying on the floor (part of my blocking, if you're inerested) when I see this huge roach the size of my head crawling towards me!! It must have come from the Portal To Hell. It's the only explanation. So I jumped up, stood in a nearby chair, and said, very calmly, "Matthew, there is a roach the size of my freaking head coming towards me! Please kill it! NOW!" Seriously. I did the whole thing in character. The people watching us were just totally cracking up. It was so funny. So the guy stepped on it once, and it crawled out and kept coming towards me. So he stepped on it again, and it just crawled out again! I swear to god, that was The Indestructible Cockroach. I was so flustered that I forgot my lines for a moment and I covered it with, "I just became so flustered at the site of such a hideous insect. If you'll excuse me, I have to pause to regroup and wipe up the floor. Now, what were you saying?" Scratchmaster was there last night, too, so you can just imagined what I suffered trhough with him laughing and falling over himself in the aisles and me having to keep a straight face the whole time. It was torture.

Did I mention that I have a very quick costume change? In the scene before, I am the last person offstage, and in the next scene, I am the very first person onstage. So they made me change clothes ONSTAGE. I am not joking. My dresser and hair person run out from backstage as soon as the curtain comes down and I just hold out my arms and they dress me. It's kind of weird. Guess who walked out innocently onto the stage during that? That's right, New Hero By Default, Gavin. He looked stunned for a minute and then we both sort of laughed, so it was okay, I guess.

After that, everything was fine until The Kiss. We did the whole last scene, no trouble at all. The Kiss is the very last thing in the whole play, and it closes the show. So me and Gavin and staring at each other, looking into each other's souls or whatever, and we kiss, as instructed. And he light booth guy yelled "Curtain!" (The headsets were broken and they were being fixed last night, so the crew had to yell instructions to one another.) So the curtain guy starts to pull the curtain, and me and Gavin are still just standing there, kissing, as instructed. Miss Director said that no matter what, we had to keep kissing until that freaking curtain closed. Great. That's wonderful.

THE NEXT SENTENCE IS ENTIRELY TRUE. IT IS NOT JUST WRITTEN FOR YOUR ENTERTAINMENT. I AM NOT MAKING THIS UP.

Last night, the curtain decided to get stuck. That's right-- me and Gavin were onstage kissing for practically a whole ten minutes. Shit, forget kissing, it was like Anne And Gilbert Make Out And Decide To Get Married. It got to the point that I was standing there, kissing him, and my eyes were looking all around, hoping for them to quickly fix the curtain because my mother was watching. It was like some strange purgatory between sleep and hell. Think about it.

So yes. I can now vouch for the fact that Gavin and I have become very good friends in the past 24 hours, between The Kiss and my strip show behind the curtain. Rene and Brooke were doubling over laughing their asses off backstage. I was this close to killing them. Really.

The Scene Change Of Satan was okay, except that one of the flats fell over and hit me on the head. But that was okay. That way, at least I got a little break. Another photographer is coming tomorrow night to get some pictures. They're going to have us pose like I'm yelling at Jessica (Rachel Lynde).You know, the whole thing with "gimlet-eye" and such. This should be a very lovely picture. We got our head shots back yesterday. Mine is okay, it's not the best picture of me, but it will do. I left it at the theater, so I can't scan it or anything. Otherwise, I would definitely let you guys see it. They took it with that really old looking film called "sepia" and then aged it on a computer. It looks really cool: very turn-of-the-century.

I think that the only fun thing last night was playing around with some diamond necklaces in one of the prop closets and then swinging around on a rope singing "Diamonds Are A Girl's Best Friend." Brooke and Rene were to scared to climb up, so they stood, like the chickens they are, on solid ground. I was definitely having fun until Gavin walked in, looked up, and saw me hanging on the rope. So I busted a move from Moulin Rouge and purposely fell off the rope and hoped to God for him to catch me, which he did. Thanks, Gavin. I trust you now. *bats eyelashes*

My first interview is Thursday morning. Argh.

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The counter keeps breaking and pissing me off, so NO MORE COUNTER! Mwahaha!